God's View Of Over-Responsibility Dr. Sandra Nelson
To avoid upsets
and confrontations, some people are afraid to say "no" to others, or
refuse a request. They believe that saying no is selfish or inconsiderate. This
isnt true. Its very possible that others will get upset when you no longer
seem interested in taking responsibility for them. God never gave us the power
or right to control how others handle or reply to our comments. Its not up to us to change someones mindthats
Gods job (Hebrews 10:8). Those who accept and respect you, will honor the
separate opinions, needs, interests, and preferences that you possess. Those who
dont accept and respect you, are saying that they only approve of you when
you agree with, or say yes to them. Their acceptance and approval is based on
your compliance. Again, this might trigger some childhood hurts and you may be
tempted to recreate your childhood atmosphere by complying. When you say yes to
others, even God, when you really mean no, you act in compliance and thats
the same as being dishonest. If a relationship grows distant or even ends
because that person doesnt agree with or accepts your opinions, thoughts, or
needs, then it wasnt a healthy relationship. If you dont assert yourself
because you expect the result to be hurt and rejection, then you have childhood
damage still roaming around in your head. This is your issue, and you need to
take responsibility to repair that damage. It isnt up to anyone else to make
you feel better or to make it easier for you to say no, or refuse a request.
Remember that people who are "blamers" will react as though your
refusal will ruin their life. Theyre likely to cry, get mad, pout, and act
victimized. This can be heard in statements like "I cant use your car? I
dont know what Im going to do then because if I dont get this to the
post office, my butt is fried." "Since you dont want to come over,
I guess Ill just sit here alone in the dark until its morning."
"You cant help me with the yard? Well, it will just be more of a
headache for me, but maybe if I wear my back brace I wont throw my back
out." If someone is trying to blame you for something they have
responsibility for, empathize, but refuse the blame. You can state "Sounds
like you need to find another answer." Or, "I hate to disappoint you,
but I cant be in your possible solutions for this dilemma."
The pursuit of responsibility thats correct, reminds me of Goldilocks
search for experiences that were "just right." A lack of
responsibility is too little. Over-responsibility is too much.
Self-responsibility is just right! Make this your pursuit as well.
To live fully self-responsible right now, what would you be doing?
To cease a life of over-responsibility right now, what would you do?
DR. SANDRA NELSON
HELP & ANSWERS ~ HOPES RESTORED
SPIRITS LIFTED ~ ENTHUSIASM RENEWED www.Tell-Me-About-It.com
