View From Above The
Answer To "Why?"
Sandra Nelson, Ph.D.
Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. They never missed a day at the ballpark. They even agreed that whoever died first would come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob died in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of BobÂs voice from beyond. "Bob, is that you?" Earl asked. "Of course itÂs me," Bob answered. "ItÂs good to hear from you," Earl replied and then asked, "Tell me, is there baseball in heaven?" Bob said, "Well, I have some good news and some bad news, which do you want to hear first?" Confused, Earl answered, "Tell me the good news first." "Well," Bob began "the good news is that, yes Earl, thereÂs baseball in heaven." Earl was excited and then said, "ThatÂs wonderful! What could possibly be the bad news?" To which Bob answered, "YouÂre pitching tomorrow night."
ItÂs vital to face the unanswerable questions of life before hurts and losses appear. Some people get stuck in self-pity because they seek an answer to the question of "Why?" TheyÂre on a mission that allows little rest, little peace, little acceptance until satisfied with an acceptable answer to why something happened. This mission can last months, even years. ItÂs as if the answer they seek will somehow magically make a loss easier to endure, or even okay. ItÂs as if an answer will somehow provide comfort and ease the hurt. This is never the case. ThereÂs never an acceptable answer, although in her book Helping People Through Grief, Delores Kuenning comes close. She writes:
As human beings made of flesh and blood and bone rather than rubber, steel or plastic, our reasoning tells us that generally deaths (or other losses) are caused by: errors in human judgment or planning; diseases; genetic disorders; the evil actions of others; violence against self; acts of nature; and unbending natural laws such as the force of gravity.
Now, does that answer comfort you at all? Does it make losses easier to endure? Of course not. Faith and trust in God helps us to accept what happens in life even though we may not agree with it or understand it. Do we understand a child with cancer? Or a young mother of three kids run down by a car? Of course not. People stuck in self-pity because of a loss often seek a guilty party to blame, to take the rap, and if they canÂt find one, they invent one. Too often God gets the blame. The source for what we believe is the Word of God. When we look at it, we discover that time and time again the Word of God tells us that He loves us and cares about us, deeply. We also find no promises of another rose garden. WeÂre told to expect tribulations, troubles, cares, but also as Christians weÂre told to expect another life where all that exists are rose gardens. When God created mankind, He created them with free will. Because of the choices of man, there are outcomes that arenÂt what God desires. He couldnÂt give us the freedom to love and choose Him if He didnÂt also give us the free will not to. God created us with both the capacity and the freedom to determine how weÂll respond to lifeÂincluding losses. Blame keeps us in yesterday. We may greatly wish that a loss had never occurred, but we canÂt change the reality, the fact, that it did. ThatÂs why grieving is so necessary. Pastor Charles Stanley, of In Touch Ministries says:
We live in a fallen world, so like it or not, sin and its consequence surround us.
Hardship is a part of life; it can cause discouragement and even despair,
sometimes to the point of disillusionment with Christianity. When we encounter
such difficulty, we typically consider the ordeal unfair, unbelievable, and unbearable.
Our attitude is usually "ItÂs not fair, God." But we should be asking, "What is GodÂs
point of view?" God views adversity as a way, not to hinder, but to advance your
spiritual growth.
Ever since the serpent betrayed Adam and Eve, we have all been victims of victims. Ever since Adam and Eve, life has been unfair. This is reality, but not an excuse. Unfairness in life doesnÂt qualify us to complain or mope. Tough breaks, tragedies, and misfortune donÂt come with a license to sit on the sidelines of life and feel sorry for ourselves for extended periods. Prolonged self-pity and resentment cause emotional and physical damage. Self-pity and resentment result from blaming others for a false helplessness. If weÂre responsible for our life, thereÂs no one to blame. Whatever it is that weÂre experiencing is only an echo of own thinking. If feeling victimized and injured a lot of the time, thereÂs something in our thinking that is attracting those experiences. If people are frequently mistreating us, then this pattern requires investigation. When the thinking that attracts that pattern is corrected, it will stop. If we choose to think that weÂre helpless victims and that things will never be different, then life will support that belief. Our worse thoughts of ourselves, and life will be confirmed.
DR. SANDRA NELSON
HELP & ANSWERS ~ HOPES RESTORED
SPIRITS LIFTED ~ ENTHUSIASM RENEWED
www.Tell-Me-About-It.com